The Theodore Newsletter

May 1, 2022

You were reintroduced to Zzzabuu one year ago. He had arrived earlier in 2003 from the planet Zzokki in a faraway galaxy, having been dispatched to Earth on a fact-finding trip involving politicians in the United States. More recently, Zzzabuu had been selected once again for a special assignment by The Superiors in 2021 to determine details (both pros and cons) of gambling investment opportunities on Planet Earth. As per instructions from the Superiors, Zzzabuu met with a retired, often confused, outspoken, nefarious chemical engineering professor (who shall remain nameless) in order to obtain background material and guidance prior to preparing his report on this assignment.

As promised, this third of five articles on gambling is concerned with casino gambling. This piece is particularly appropriate since New York State is now expanding casino gambling. In any event, here is my take on this betting activity.

Let’s proceed directly to the bottom line. For me, there are four modes of gambling in casinos: slots, roulette, dice, and blackjack. Before discussing each of these games, I should note two factors: all are games of chance (unlike pari-mutuel wagering – see August 1, 2021 article) and thus all chances of winning are a function of the takeout. Remember, the takeout represents the amount of money returned to the bettor after the result of the bet has been determined, e.g., with a 5% takeout, the casino returns 95% to the bettor and retains 5% as profit. In any event, here is the lowdown on each of the 4 above games of chance.

SLOTS. Depending on the casino, the takeout here ranges from 1-10% with 3-4% a reasonable norm. Although it is the most popular game, I rarely – if ever – play the slots. Why? The takeout is simply too high. The game is easy to play: you simply press a button after inserting your money and wait for the results, hoping for a lot of noise.

ROULETTE. Once the game of royalty, the takeout here is approximately 3.5%. This one is also not for me. The game is easy to play: you put money on red or black and a number ranging from 1 to 35. The roulette wheel is spun and you hope for the circling ball to fall in the right slot.

DICE: My game. Some refer to it as craps. I just love playing dice; it is all I play when I am in a casino. The takeout here can be as low as 0.5%; this effectively means you have close to a 50-50 chance of winning. Here is how I recommend you play. Put your money on PASS and roll the dice. If a 7 or 11 comes up on the first roll, you win and the game ends. If a 2, 3, or 12 comes up on the first roll, you lose and the game ends. If a 2, 3, 7, 11, or 12 doesn’t come up on the first roll, then 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, or 10 must come up, and the game continues. Whichever number amongst these six numbers come up on the first roll becomes “your number.” You then continue to roll the dice until either a seven (you lose) or your number (you win) comes up. The game then ends. However, after the first roll, you are provided the option to double your bet on “your number.” You should definitely avail yourself of this opportunity since the takeout on this latter bet is 0%. For example, if you roll a 4 or 10, or 5 or 9, or 6 or 8 on the first roll, the odds of winning become 2 to 1, 3 to 2, and 6 to 5, respectively. That’s it. Do not get involved with any of the other available bets on the dice table.

BLACKJACK. Often referred to as 21. Not my favorite; but it is the game of most of my gambling degenerate friends. The takeout is close to 0%! Many years ago, a group of MIT students started winning at the casinos by “counting.” A book describing their approach makes interesting reading but essentially involves counting cards. In the game, the dealer gets two cards (with one face-up) and the bettor gets two cards. You may request additional cards in an attempt to get as close to 21 as possible, BUT not go over 21. Whoever goes over 21 first loses. If no one goes over, the winner is the player closest to 21. Counting? If a lot of high cards come out during the game, the bettor is at a disadvantage the next game. If a lot of low cards come out, the bettor has the advantage and should increase the bet the next game. How do you count? Here is a simple method. I suggest assigning a -1 to discarded cards that are 2, 3, 4, or 5, and +1 to those that are 10, J, Q, or K. If your total is in the negative regime, increase the bet the next game.

I leave you with this: A day at a casino is a great day out, particularly for seniors. Follow my suggestions and you almost certainly will not get hurt. You want more? Go to the library and pick up a book on casino gambling or simply go on the Internet.

Contact me if you have any questions. Once again, just remember that LOTTO has a 50% takeout, and is therefore an ideal game for those poor in arithmetic.

I return later this year when Zzzabuu will report on sports betting.

P.S. For those readers residing in East Williston, remember to vote NO on the school budget this month.

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www.theodorenewsletter.com

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NEXT POSTINGS

JUNE 1:                      Purely Chaste, Pristine, and Random Thoughts XXXI

JULY 1:                      On Great Eats V: Pastrami

AUGUST 1:                On the Constitution

SEPTEMBER 1:         On Aging

OCTOBER 1:             On Water

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Here are this month’s three offensive suggestions from the upcoming second edition of my “BASKETBALL COACHING 101” book.

1. Practice strategies to employ for offense(s) near the end of a game.
2. Practice strategies to employ when attempting to gain an offensive rebound following a foul shot.
3. Drive to basket at the end of game if trailing; in effect, help the official blow his whistle.